I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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