k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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