I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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