the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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