Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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