There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
