I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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