if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
there is glitter all over my balls
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
