i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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