Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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