Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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