Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
