I must be too annoying 4 u.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize