so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
