I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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