he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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