someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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