hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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