he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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