She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
