JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize