i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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