two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
