I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
