I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
