Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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