the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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