very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
