did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
