Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
