So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
