Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Randomize
