Who wears a wallet chain?!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
