apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
