considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
