Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Two words: nipple clamps
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