Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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