dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
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I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!