So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.