would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.