someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
