Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.