im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
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Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY