zippers are such a cool invention
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
