Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
