Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize