That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
