now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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