$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
