if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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