dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
