Yo dont text me then not text me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When did angry sex become our thing?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
