I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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