So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
