He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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