he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
tell me about the fingering
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