Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
