he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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