i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
