Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Randomize
