Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize