I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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