garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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