Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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