Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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