you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
