Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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