I seem to have left my pride at pride
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
