hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
