you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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