you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
