My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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