she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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