It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
